I have written about this subject in the past and I may pull out one of my very early blog posts on this subject at some point, but for tonight, I'm just going to share a bit. The subject is how men and women (in so many fantastically interesting ways)are very different when it comes to direct closure in terms of dating.
I was speaking to a friend of mine this week and she told me a story that I have so many times and experienced myself that I was prompted to write about it here. It's something that has always made me go hmmmmm?!?!
In a nut shell, there had been two very long dates with the same guy and a plan (suggested by the guy) for a third, then on that same day came the text backing out of the date - simply a postponement he said. He said he'd "call later in the day to make another plan" and now a week has gone by with no word at all. No special circumstances exist other than the usual implied "I'm busy"...yes, we all are. Now, maybe this guy will call. Maybe he met someone else and has run off to Vegas to try his luck there. Maybe something bad happened...and he has lost his phone, contact information, memory or mind. But maybe, just maybe he decided that this woman isn't what he's looking for or whatever. Just say that. You don't even have to do it directly, you could text it (sort of passive, but better than nothing)...doing nothing is rude and really poor form.
I don't presume to speak for all women or even another woman, but I hear this from my female friends a lot and I think it too. Men, Guys, Dudes...we really want you to tell us that you are no longer interested if you aren't! It's truly the silence that kills us - it's deafening. We know you don't like conflict/confrontation with us, we know that you'd rather not hurt our feelings or be the "bad guy", we know that you'd rather we took the hint and just went away quietly...well, we usually can't.
It makes complete sense if you think it through. You pursue us. We like it that way and you do too. So when you secretly decide that we are no longer a candidate for that pursuit you simply stop. But, we've been investing in getting to know you and moreover letting you get to know us. We have some skin in the game. Let me ask you something. Let's say you're in sales and let's say you're pursuing a new customer. You call, you email, you get that first big meeting. You show me your stuff and I show you mine. You are able to persuade me that you have something I need or want and I say, "yes" I think you're right, let's proceed. You catch the "big fish" (no I don't mean sex)! Now I haven't signed on the dotted line and no exchange of service for currency has taken place. Would you just never call again...even if you decided that the deal wasn't going to work for you? No!!! You'd call me or meet me and explain that while at first it seemed like a good idea to make the deal, it was now no longer best for you to do so. You'd tell me the deal was off...nicely, but you'd tell me, right.
It's the same premise. I promise you. We really want to know. Not knowing is what has the potential to turn any nicely mannered woman into an anxious, over caller, over texter stalker.
That is all.
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